A motherly instinct is developed early in a little girl's heart.
In a pinch, a dryer sheet works quite well for a baby doll's blanket.
You are never to young to be "dolled up" with a smidgen of lip gloss.
A daughter's heart belongs to her daddy... forever.
Trucks, cars, and balls are not "boy" toys.
There's nothing as exciting as Daddy coming home.
There is always time to read. I have not once regretted letting Mackenna jump into my lap with a book and enjoying the story with her.
I throw just as many temper tantrums as my daughter, I just have slightly more self-control so they aren't as obvious.
Switching laundry, dusting, and emptying the dishwasher can be fun when my little helper is with me!
Just because there was no nap to be had doesn't mean the day is ruined. Sometimes the no-nap days are the most special because we end up snuggling up on the couch with a sippy cup of milk watching "Elmo" (aka Sesame Street).
Laughter is the best medicine and boy, do I have a little girl that likes to make her mommy laugh!
Dipping sauces make meal times more fun... and messy!
If I clap or cheer once, I better be ready to clap and cheer every time she does whatever it is I clapped and cheered for!
Just because she says, "OBEY!" with a smile and giggle doesn't mean she is actually excited about obeying. But, we're getting there!
It's the simple things in life that bring the most joy. Puppies, butterflies, flowers, and the wind sweeping across her face bring a bigger smile and wider eyes than any new toy ever would. Hands down!
And most importantly, love grows. Love grows every day. Little by little it grows. And some days your heart is so full that tears well up in your eyes and you find yourself in awe that God loves us even more than we could ever love our own children. And you marvel at the fact that He would willingingly send His Son, whom He loves more than we love our own children, to suffer and die for such wicked sinners as ourselves. And you are humbled, speechless, and overwhelmed with thanksgiving.
Showing posts with label Sanctification. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sanctification. Show all posts
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Immanuel, God with Us
One night last week my daughter, Mackenna, woke up after what appeared to be a nightmare. She awoke suddenly and her cry indicated that she was afraid, terrified even, and without hesitation Dustin rushed to her room. He soothed her, sang to her, and reassured her that everything was ok. After a few minutes he laid her back down, but within seconds her cries filled the air again. This time it was my turn.
While I held Mackenna, a memory was brought to my mind of the time that we spent with her in the NICU during her first few days of life. While I spent my days with her as she received antibiotics for the infection she was fighting, I wrote her a little lullaby that I would sing when she was hooked up to her IV's and I couldn't hold her. It goes something like this, "Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl." I would sing this little tune sometimes for twenty minutes. The message was clear, "I am here, you are mine, and you are ok."
After reliving this precious memory, I began to once again sing the song that I had sung to my darling daughter during her first few days of being in this world. And she calmed down. It was a special moment that we shared. I knew that she remembered the song. I could tell by the way she quieted down, her body relaxed, she snuggled closer into my arms, and she drifted back to sleep. She just needed to be reminded that I was there, she was mine, and she was ok.
And then God opened my eyes to see a truth that I so desperately needed last week. I have been pretty anxious about the upcoming delivery of our son, Sawyer. I am scheduled to have a cesarean next Thursday, December 1st. Facing surgery is a bit scary to me. Being awake during surgery is a bit scary to me. I have felt like a scared child the past few weeks. And I was keeping it all to myself. Sure, I would admit to family and close friends that I was a bit nervous. But I was more than a bit nervous, I was terrified. But then God, through this memory, shifted my focus. He convicted my heart and reminded me that when I am afraid I need to cry out to Him, just like Mackenna cries out for me and Dustin when she is afraid. And then He reminded me that He is with me and I am His. It was like He was singing me a lullaby and I quieted down, my body relaxed, I snuggled closer into His arms, and felt His peace.
Matthew 1:23 says, "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means 'God with us')."
God is a personal God. He is not a distant father who shows up for birthdays or special occasions. He's sensitive to His children. He loves us. We know He loves us because He sent Jesus Christ to make it possible for our relationship with Him to be restored. Our sin makes us His enemy, but He wants to be with us, so He made a way for us to be at peace with Him. When we trust Christ as our Savior we become His children. He is with us and we are His. What peace and joy that brings. His wrath is no longer upon us. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. The lullaby of the gospel soothes our souls and allows us to rest in the peace that only God can give, the peace that surpasses all understanding!
While I held Mackenna, a memory was brought to my mind of the time that we spent with her in the NICU during her first few days of life. While I spent my days with her as she received antibiotics for the infection she was fighting, I wrote her a little lullaby that I would sing when she was hooked up to her IV's and I couldn't hold her. It goes something like this, "Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl." I would sing this little tune sometimes for twenty minutes. The message was clear, "I am here, you are mine, and you are ok."
After reliving this precious memory, I began to once again sing the song that I had sung to my darling daughter during her first few days of being in this world. And she calmed down. It was a special moment that we shared. I knew that she remembered the song. I could tell by the way she quieted down, her body relaxed, she snuggled closer into my arms, and she drifted back to sleep. She just needed to be reminded that I was there, she was mine, and she was ok.
And then God opened my eyes to see a truth that I so desperately needed last week. I have been pretty anxious about the upcoming delivery of our son, Sawyer. I am scheduled to have a cesarean next Thursday, December 1st. Facing surgery is a bit scary to me. Being awake during surgery is a bit scary to me. I have felt like a scared child the past few weeks. And I was keeping it all to myself. Sure, I would admit to family and close friends that I was a bit nervous. But I was more than a bit nervous, I was terrified. But then God, through this memory, shifted my focus. He convicted my heart and reminded me that when I am afraid I need to cry out to Him, just like Mackenna cries out for me and Dustin when she is afraid. And then He reminded me that He is with me and I am His. It was like He was singing me a lullaby and I quieted down, my body relaxed, I snuggled closer into His arms, and felt His peace.
Matthew 1:23 says, "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means 'God with us')."
God is a personal God. He is not a distant father who shows up for birthdays or special occasions. He's sensitive to His children. He loves us. We know He loves us because He sent Jesus Christ to make it possible for our relationship with Him to be restored. Our sin makes us His enemy, but He wants to be with us, so He made a way for us to be at peace with Him. When we trust Christ as our Savior we become His children. He is with us and we are His. What peace and joy that brings. His wrath is no longer upon us. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. The lullaby of the gospel soothes our souls and allows us to rest in the peace that only God can give, the peace that surpasses all understanding!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Peace
"Peace, You give me peace when the storms come and I'm afraid. Peace, You give me peace when I trust in the words You say. You give me peace."
These words are the lyrics of a children's song by Sovereign Grace Music on the album shown below.
This album is one of my favorites of "Mackenna's music." But, I must confess, this morning I wanted to listen to it while I was getting ready, despite the fact that Mackenna was napping and the melodies and lyrics would not be reaching her ears. As I was getting ready, the above quoted lyrics hit my heart...hard. These lyrics prompted me to do a quick Biblical word study on "peace." Here are a few of the verses that stood out to my heart.
"But he was wounded for our transgressions;he was crushed for our iniquities;upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1
"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6
Peace.
We all want it. We all search for it. We all strive for it.
But how often do we actually experience it?
Far too often we look for peace in the wrong places. {Disclaimer- I am guilty of this just as much as anyone else} When I am having a stressful day, where do I go for peace? Starbucks, maybe? The television, the mall, the refrigerator (or freezer)? I think our downfall comes from our lack of understanding of what peace truly is and where we can go to get it. One verse that really stood out among the others for me was John 14:27.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
God gives peace. The peace that the world offers is dramatically different than the peace that God gives. This verse clearly distinguishes that God's peace is given to us not as the world's peace is given to us. Peace we achieve from worldly pleasures is fleeting and more often than not results in guilt and further unrest. So, where do we get the peace that God offers?
The Bible. His Word. Christ.
"But he was wounded for our transgressions;he was crushed for our iniquities;upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
The peace that our soul aches for is a peace that comes only by accepting Christ as our Savior. It comes from admitting that our hearts are wicked, desperately dark and sinful, and accepting the fact that we are helpless to change that in our own strength. In this dark place is where humility is fostered and Christ's light can shine and lead us to a place of repentance and trust in Him. And there, in that moment, He gives us peace. The peace that our soul aches for comes only through peace with our Creator, against whom we have rebelled and by whom we deserve to be punished. We all know this deep down in our hearts. We know we are created beings and we know we will be held accountable for our transgressions. The Bible tell us that.
"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:18-21
But God does not leave us there. He draws us to himself and rather than pouring His wrath upon us, he offers us peace through faith in Him.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1
Peace will never be found in an Iced Carmel Machiato (one of my favorites). It will never be found in a clean house, a perfectly planned schedule, or a well-behaved child. True peace will only and always be found in Christ. In trusting Him for salvation and then trusting His word in every life circumstance. Is your 16 month old whining, fussing, and refusing to nap? You can have peace knowing that you are at peace with God and this circumstance will give you the opportunity to become more like Christ by showing patience, gently teaching, and loving unconditionally.
My prayer is this: For those of you reading this who have a relationship with Jesus, I pray that you would experience His peace every day by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer. For those of you who may be reading this who don't know if you have ever trusted Christ as your Savior, whose souls are noisy or fearful, I pray that you would not go another day without God's peace. It is available to all who will believe, through Christ alone.
" 'Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.' Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' " John 14: 1, 6
For further reading: Two Ways to Live
Questions? Send me an email, I'd love to talk to you more about God's peace.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Creating Order in the Chaos
I don't know about you, but I am a very organized, schedule oriented, planning type of person. Before having a child the life I led was quite simple to organize, schedule, and plan. Enter Mackenna Grace Folden. My precious daughter is a lot like me in many ways. She is stubborn, knows how to charm her daddy, smiles at all the right times, likes to make people laugh... but organized, scheduled, or planned - she is not.
For the first four months of her life I skated by with the "new mommy adrenaline" and an excitement to finally be a stay-at-home working mom. :-) Then the chaos began to get to me. At first I noticed a slight anxiety creeping up inside me. Anxiety quickly turned into anger and annoyance, which are neither very attractive character traits. Then came the realization that my life would never be the same and God wanted it that way. The balance between trusting God and making choices to "create" order in my life was a tough concept for me to grasp. While it's true that God is a God of order, He has allowed this amazing little life to create some chaos in my life. What was He teaching me?
Through much thought, I believe that God is teaching me that I am NEVER in control of my life, no matter how orderly, neat, and scheduled it may look like from the outside. He is also teaching me how to become more like Him in spite of chaos. What choices can I make to "create" order out of chaos, while still behaving Christ-like when life happens and my plans are blown out of the water. How am I doing with this, you might ask? Well, not so great on most days, but I am ever-so-slowly learning. I can have a schedule but I must always remember that people are infinitely more important than following a schedule. I can discipline according to God's word, knowing that, like me, Mackenna is a slow learner and I need to be patient, not frustrated if it's taking her a while to learn a concept. I can be consistent, by God's grace alone, to provide a stable, secure, and loving household for my children and husband. I can spend time in God's Word and in prayer, gleaning wisdom and counsel from the perfect example of a parent who creates order out of His children's chaos. And for this, I am so thankful and humbled. Praise God!
For the first four months of her life I skated by with the "new mommy adrenaline" and an excitement to finally be a stay-at-home working mom. :-) Then the chaos began to get to me. At first I noticed a slight anxiety creeping up inside me. Anxiety quickly turned into anger and annoyance, which are neither very attractive character traits. Then came the realization that my life would never be the same and God wanted it that way. The balance between trusting God and making choices to "create" order in my life was a tough concept for me to grasp. While it's true that God is a God of order, He has allowed this amazing little life to create some chaos in my life. What was He teaching me?
Through much thought, I believe that God is teaching me that I am NEVER in control of my life, no matter how orderly, neat, and scheduled it may look like from the outside. He is also teaching me how to become more like Him in spite of chaos. What choices can I make to "create" order out of chaos, while still behaving Christ-like when life happens and my plans are blown out of the water. How am I doing with this, you might ask? Well, not so great on most days, but I am ever-so-slowly learning. I can have a schedule but I must always remember that people are infinitely more important than following a schedule. I can discipline according to God's word, knowing that, like me, Mackenna is a slow learner and I need to be patient, not frustrated if it's taking her a while to learn a concept. I can be consistent, by God's grace alone, to provide a stable, secure, and loving household for my children and husband. I can spend time in God's Word and in prayer, gleaning wisdom and counsel from the perfect example of a parent who creates order out of His children's chaos. And for this, I am so thankful and humbled. Praise God!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
More of This... Less of That
From time to time I like to reflect on whether or not my life is a picture of God's redemptive power. Often times I find that I fall ashamedly short. God has been using that time of reflection to help motivate me to make changes to better glorify Him. And so, I've compiled a list of small changes that I would like to make in my life. I think these changes will please God and help me find my joy in Him and my salvation rather than the things of this earth. Some of these will be easier than others. All of them will require me to depend on God's grace and strength to help me change my natural way of thinking and doing. I am SO thankful that I can know, without a doubt, that God stands ready to help me become more holy. What an amazingly patient, loving, and wise Father!
More time in God's Word and in communication with Him... Less time doing whatever I feel like doing.
More exercise & activity... Less laziness.
More respect & love towards my husband... Less of a critical attitude.
More time reading to and playing with Mackenna... Less "me" time.
More thoughts focused on Christ & others... Less concern for myself.
More thankfulness... Less complaining.
More cooking healthy meals at home... Less eating out.
More giving and saving... Less spending.
More reading... Less T.V.
More early bedtimes & early wake-ups... Less late nights and snooze button mornings.
More of God... Less of me.
More time in God's Word and in communication with Him... Less time doing whatever I feel like doing.
More exercise & activity... Less laziness.
More respect & love towards my husband... Less of a critical attitude.
More time reading to and playing with Mackenna... Less "me" time.
More thoughts focused on Christ & others... Less concern for myself.
More thankfulness... Less complaining.
More cooking healthy meals at home... Less eating out.
More giving and saving... Less spending.
More reading... Less T.V.
More early bedtimes & early wake-ups... Less late nights and snooze button mornings.
More of God... Less of me.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Not Temper Tantrums already?!?
Mackenna has started to share her opinion in a more, ahem, defiant manner. She's started throwing the dreaded temper tantrum, or as we call them in our house, angry fits. We knew they would show up someday, but they came on suddenly without any warning. No "mini" fits to get us warmed up to handling a full blown angry fit. But, here we are, learning to parent and train a child with heart that is bent toward getting her own way. All the time. Without question.
Teaching a nine month old that we don't always get what we want has humbled me. As Mackenna throws a very loud, very irrational, very real, angry fit when I take away a beloved toy and lay her down for a nap, I am vividly aware of the times throughout my day that I throw an equally loud, irrational, and real, angry fit inside my heart. I may not get on the floor, flail my arms and legs, and scream at the top of my lungs, but every time that I get impatient, every time that I wish for something that I don't have and then get angry because I don't have it- I am doing the exact same thing as Mackenna. Wow. I'm humbled. And thankful. Thankful that God uses Mackenna to help me grow closer to Him. When I see my weaknesses and sins, I am once again amazed at His grace and humbled by the fact that He would save me. As I meditate on His grace and mercy, it helps me patiently correct and train Mackenna. Instead of getting angry at the inconvenience of her angry fits, I become more concerned with the fact that she is disobeying God and will be held accountable for that disobedience. God gives me wisdom in each situation to know what Scripture to teach her, how to keep my tone firm, yet loving, and how to remember that I am doing all this to be a good steward of the life that He's given me to train and love.
Isn't it amazing how God uses every detail of our lives to teach us and help us grow? If only I could keep that perspective more consistently!
Teaching a nine month old that we don't always get what we want has humbled me. As Mackenna throws a very loud, very irrational, very real, angry fit when I take away a beloved toy and lay her down for a nap, I am vividly aware of the times throughout my day that I throw an equally loud, irrational, and real, angry fit inside my heart. I may not get on the floor, flail my arms and legs, and scream at the top of my lungs, but every time that I get impatient, every time that I wish for something that I don't have and then get angry because I don't have it- I am doing the exact same thing as Mackenna. Wow. I'm humbled. And thankful. Thankful that God uses Mackenna to help me grow closer to Him. When I see my weaknesses and sins, I am once again amazed at His grace and humbled by the fact that He would save me. As I meditate on His grace and mercy, it helps me patiently correct and train Mackenna. Instead of getting angry at the inconvenience of her angry fits, I become more concerned with the fact that she is disobeying God and will be held accountable for that disobedience. God gives me wisdom in each situation to know what Scripture to teach her, how to keep my tone firm, yet loving, and how to remember that I am doing all this to be a good steward of the life that He's given me to train and love.
Isn't it amazing how God uses every detail of our lives to teach us and help us grow? If only I could keep that perspective more consistently!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Christmas Adventure
Ah, Christmas 2010, a day (or should I say, week) that will forever live in infamy in the Folden household. Gearing up for our trip back home, I had not fully prepared myself for what would unfold. I was preoccupied with excitement about Mackenna's very first Christmas. I had no time to really worry about possible teething and all that ensues with that developmental milestone. That was the beginning of my demise. Oh sure, I had noticed that in the past two weeks, Mackenna's chewing and drooling had increased dramatically and her gums were red and swollen, but I never thought we'd be traveling when that cute little first tooth popped through.
We left for our 12+ hour drive back home on Monday afternoon. As I was making last minute preparations on Monday, I noticed that Mackenna's bottom left tooth looked like it was nearly through and as the excitment set in, so did the anxiety. "Oh no! Will she be cutting this first tooth as we're driving? This could be a long, and stressful drive!" But, I quickly put those thoughts out of my mind, made sure I had packed Infant Tylenol, and continued my preparations. The drive back home went perfectly. Mackenna napped, played, talked, and actually enjoyed the ride. The only time she was fussy was the last 45 minutes or so. And to be honest, we all were a little fussy those last 45 minutes. Then, on Wednesday morning, there was a tooth. No drama, no extra fussiness, no night wakings, nothing. Just a cute little white tooth that made my darling baby girl look a little more grown up than she had the day before. *Mommy Tear*
The second bottom tooth looked like it was making quick progress towards popping through and everyone (including myself) thought for sure it would cut before we left. But, it didn't. What it did do, was cause every teething symptom to the fullest degree possible for the next five days (well, it's still going on, but we've made some progress). Thursday afternoon and evening, Mackenna started having a diaper rash. Not uncommon. So, I followed all the steps to treat a diaper rash. Friday morning it looked a little better. By Friday night, it was a full blown diaper rash. Each diaper change Mackenna would scream, sweat, and squirm. We began the "bathe at every diaper change" routine and applied Desitin liberally. Two days, and two Desitin tubes later, NO PROGRESS! In fact, it kept getting worse. I called my nurse, three times, tried some new tricks, and still no healing. Mackenna wasn't sleeping at night, wasn't smiling during the day, and her voice was hoarse from crying every two hours during her diaper changes.
Dustin and I were exhausted and were stretched more than we'd ever been stretched before. With little sleep, a screaming baby with a diaper rash that was getting worse, not better, and being home for the holidays, God taught us how to communicate even more as a couple. We failed. A lot. But over the course of the week, we had learned how to be more like Christ in the situation. We became better team mates. Each diaper change became a chance for us to work together to help our baby girl by doing everything the nurses were telling us to do. Dustin held Mackenna. I cleaned her up. Dustin tried to occupy her as she soaked in her baking soda baths. I applied ointments, creams, and powders. Dustin closed up her diaper and got her PJ's back on. And I laid her down with her pacifier and her new Glo Worm from Grandpa Dennis. And then we got about an hour and a half of sleep before the next round of diaper changes. Finally, after discovering that it had turned from a diaper rash to a yeast diaper rash, we found the right cream (Lotriman, for all you mommies out there)!
We had applied Lotriman a couple of times before we left for our trek back home, but had seen little progress. My anxiety about the trip home was raising my heart rate! "How am I supposed to change diapers without wipes in a truck stop? How am I going to do these diaper changes alone if there isn't a family bathroom? What if we have to stop every hour for a diaper change and it takes us 24 hours to get home?" But, here again, God was in control. Mackenna was SO exhausted from being up the past two nights, that for the majority of the trip, she slept. We had six diaper changes the first day of the trip, which was 7 hours. Yes, that's about three more than usual, but by the end of the day, I was a pro at "truck stop diaper rash diaper changes." Day two we had five diaper changes, but three of those were in family bathrooms, so I had my team mate back to help me. :-)
So, overall, although Mackenna may have not enjoyed her first Christmas very much, God used her teething ailments to help Dustin and I grow stronger together. She'll probably never remember her first Christmas, but she's stuck with us, so if we needed this trial to grow in Christ and in turn, be better parents and a better example of a godly marriage, then that's exciting in my books. Mackenna's first Christmas will forever be known as the Christmas Adventure and while I hope that she doesn't remember all the pain and tears, I do hope that we share this story with her often so that she will see how God works in our lives to change us to be more like His Son.
I'll leave you with some pictures. Enjoy!
We left for our 12+ hour drive back home on Monday afternoon. As I was making last minute preparations on Monday, I noticed that Mackenna's bottom left tooth looked like it was nearly through and as the excitment set in, so did the anxiety. "Oh no! Will she be cutting this first tooth as we're driving? This could be a long, and stressful drive!" But, I quickly put those thoughts out of my mind, made sure I had packed Infant Tylenol, and continued my preparations. The drive back home went perfectly. Mackenna napped, played, talked, and actually enjoyed the ride. The only time she was fussy was the last 45 minutes or so. And to be honest, we all were a little fussy those last 45 minutes. Then, on Wednesday morning, there was a tooth. No drama, no extra fussiness, no night wakings, nothing. Just a cute little white tooth that made my darling baby girl look a little more grown up than she had the day before. *Mommy Tear*
The second bottom tooth looked like it was making quick progress towards popping through and everyone (including myself) thought for sure it would cut before we left. But, it didn't. What it did do, was cause every teething symptom to the fullest degree possible for the next five days (well, it's still going on, but we've made some progress). Thursday afternoon and evening, Mackenna started having a diaper rash. Not uncommon. So, I followed all the steps to treat a diaper rash. Friday morning it looked a little better. By Friday night, it was a full blown diaper rash. Each diaper change Mackenna would scream, sweat, and squirm. We began the "bathe at every diaper change" routine and applied Desitin liberally. Two days, and two Desitin tubes later, NO PROGRESS! In fact, it kept getting worse. I called my nurse, three times, tried some new tricks, and still no healing. Mackenna wasn't sleeping at night, wasn't smiling during the day, and her voice was hoarse from crying every two hours during her diaper changes.
Dustin and I were exhausted and were stretched more than we'd ever been stretched before. With little sleep, a screaming baby with a diaper rash that was getting worse, not better, and being home for the holidays, God taught us how to communicate even more as a couple. We failed. A lot. But over the course of the week, we had learned how to be more like Christ in the situation. We became better team mates. Each diaper change became a chance for us to work together to help our baby girl by doing everything the nurses were telling us to do. Dustin held Mackenna. I cleaned her up. Dustin tried to occupy her as she soaked in her baking soda baths. I applied ointments, creams, and powders. Dustin closed up her diaper and got her PJ's back on. And I laid her down with her pacifier and her new Glo Worm from Grandpa Dennis. And then we got about an hour and a half of sleep before the next round of diaper changes. Finally, after discovering that it had turned from a diaper rash to a yeast diaper rash, we found the right cream (Lotriman, for all you mommies out there)!
We had applied Lotriman a couple of times before we left for our trek back home, but had seen little progress. My anxiety about the trip home was raising my heart rate! "How am I supposed to change diapers without wipes in a truck stop? How am I going to do these diaper changes alone if there isn't a family bathroom? What if we have to stop every hour for a diaper change and it takes us 24 hours to get home?" But, here again, God was in control. Mackenna was SO exhausted from being up the past two nights, that for the majority of the trip, she slept. We had six diaper changes the first day of the trip, which was 7 hours. Yes, that's about three more than usual, but by the end of the day, I was a pro at "truck stop diaper rash diaper changes." Day two we had five diaper changes, but three of those were in family bathrooms, so I had my team mate back to help me. :-)
So, overall, although Mackenna may have not enjoyed her first Christmas very much, God used her teething ailments to help Dustin and I grow stronger together. She'll probably never remember her first Christmas, but she's stuck with us, so if we needed this trial to grow in Christ and in turn, be better parents and a better example of a godly marriage, then that's exciting in my books. Mackenna's first Christmas will forever be known as the Christmas Adventure and while I hope that she doesn't remember all the pain and tears, I do hope that we share this story with her often so that she will see how God works in our lives to change us to be more like His Son.
I'll leave you with some pictures. Enjoy!
Reading with Grandma Lee Ann!
She loved the bows on presents!
Second cousins, or is it first cousin once removed?
Mackenna and her Pillow Pal from Uncle TJ!
Reading her favorite book with Auntie!
Four Generations: Great Grandpa Warren, Grandpa Dennis, Mommy, and Mackenna!
She wanted to eat the tissue paper...
... and the wrapping paper!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Changing Focus
This challenge by John Piper in his book, What's the Difference?, has really, really convicted me and made me see that my focus is so completely wrong. I pray that God would give me the grace to have a heart that finds joy in living my life only for His purposes and His glory.
Challenge #13
"That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, billions of people hand in the balance of Heaven and Hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might and maximizing y our joy in ministry to people's needs."
Challenge #13
"That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, billions of people hand in the balance of Heaven and Hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might and maximizing y our joy in ministry to people's needs."
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
08.10.10
The past few days, Mackenna has been a little more irritable than usual and has not been napping well at all. She had finally gotten into a good napping schedule and I could pretty much count on a 2.5 hour nap every morning and an hour nap in the afternoon. Well, she must be growing or something because her internal clock has changed once again and I am left to figure out her new biological rhythm. But, I am so thankful that I am able to be home with her and learn how to take care of her at each new stage.
So, today we're trying a longer wake time with lots of exercise! Dustin put together her Fisher Price Jumperoo on Sunday evening and she loves playing in it. She'll keep herself content for about 10-15 minutes. That's pretty good! She doesn't particularly like it when we turn on the lights and sound though. She's content just jumping and playing with the colorful toys that shake, rattle, and roll!
Learning how to effectively take care of an infant and keep a household running has been quite a challenge for me. In my mind I envisioned that once I was at home I would have oodles of time to cook, clean, coupon, grocery shop, do laundry, and maybe even bake some bread! Reality is that it's a good day if the toys are cleaned up and the bottles are sanitized before I go to bed. I am faced with the truth that I thought WAY too highly of myself, thinking that I would be able to perfectly execute being a stay-at-home wife and mother. One thing I will admit is that I have been guilty of laziness but I cleverly mask it by saying, "I am so tired and Mackenna's a high-maintenance baby... I deserve to just relax!" There is some truth there. I am very tired. And Mackenna is a relatively high-maintenance baby and also has some pain issues with Acid Reflux which makes her slightly more fussy. But, I still am called to be a godly wife and mother. I am very thankful for a husband who is so understanding and encourages me daily. He doesn't expect me to be perfect and he is very quick to remind me that he thinks I am doing a great job. Nevertheless, this is an area I need to grow in. If I know that Mackenna will nap for two hours, I need to be vigilant to make the most of those two hours!
Speaking of naps... the monitor has just indicated that my precious Mackenna has decided to wake up earlier than usual. Until next time!
So, today we're trying a longer wake time with lots of exercise! Dustin put together her Fisher Price Jumperoo on Sunday evening and she loves playing in it. She'll keep herself content for about 10-15 minutes. That's pretty good! She doesn't particularly like it when we turn on the lights and sound though. She's content just jumping and playing with the colorful toys that shake, rattle, and roll!
Learning how to effectively take care of an infant and keep a household running has been quite a challenge for me. In my mind I envisioned that once I was at home I would have oodles of time to cook, clean, coupon, grocery shop, do laundry, and maybe even bake some bread! Reality is that it's a good day if the toys are cleaned up and the bottles are sanitized before I go to bed. I am faced with the truth that I thought WAY too highly of myself, thinking that I would be able to perfectly execute being a stay-at-home wife and mother. One thing I will admit is that I have been guilty of laziness but I cleverly mask it by saying, "I am so tired and Mackenna's a high-maintenance baby... I deserve to just relax!" There is some truth there. I am very tired. And Mackenna is a relatively high-maintenance baby and also has some pain issues with Acid Reflux which makes her slightly more fussy. But, I still am called to be a godly wife and mother. I am very thankful for a husband who is so understanding and encourages me daily. He doesn't expect me to be perfect and he is very quick to remind me that he thinks I am doing a great job. Nevertheless, this is an area I need to grow in. If I know that Mackenna will nap for two hours, I need to be vigilant to make the most of those two hours!
Speaking of naps... the monitor has just indicated that my precious Mackenna has decided to wake up earlier than usual. Until next time!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
08.05.10
Idolatry. One word, so many ways it is manifested in my heart. A wise man once said, "Our hearts are a factory of idols." Over the past few weeks, God's been challenging me to acknowledge idols in my life. Seeing God working, I immediately acknowledged the following idols in my life: Mackenna and Medical Websites. Now let me explain... I struggle with worry... most often about medical problems... used to worry about myself- now I worry about Mackenna. So, Mackenna has become an idol in my heart because when she is on track medically- I am happy. When she has an off day (let's say she doesn't eat as much, doesn't "coo" as much, or maybe smiles less)- then I worry. Is something wrong with her? Will she be ok? And I end up focusing all of my attention on trying to get her to do what I want her to do, rather than focusing on worshipping God. So, she's an idol in my heart. Now... medical websites... those I turn to for comfort. I quickly run to Google to answer all of my fears... "3 Month Old Refusing Bottle," "Is it normal for a 3 month old to have jerky arm movements?" and any other "fear" that pops into my mind. Usually, I end up getting a lot more than I bargained for and I discover diseases and disorders that I hadn't even known about... and then I worry...obsessively and compulsively. And then I Google more. And worry more. And Google more. And worry more. It's a vicious cycle and so I have proven... Medical Websites are an idol.
Now, what I wasn't so excited about doing was digging deeper. Sure, the above mentioned idols are valid and it is a good thing that God has shown me my folly and has helped me repent. But, beneath the obvious idols in my life, there lives a deeper, less tangible idol that has crept into every single part of my being and it wasn't until yesterday that I saw it and was shocked. I am a worshipper of ease. I want everything to be easy. I don't like doing hard things and I don't like when I don't get what I want. I have seen this so clearly over the past few months.
Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Harder than I ever expected. So, my mind entertains thoughts of finding a daycare and going back to work full-time. Why? Because that would be EASIER. Also, having a child who is healthy is EASIER than having a child with medical problems. Which is why I get so anxious and worry so much about Mackenna. Going to Google and receiving data in .5 seconds is EASIER than humbling myself and bowing before the throne of God and working hard at thinking on things that are true and lovely.
Wow! I am so thankful for a God who doesn't just scratch the surface of our hearts but that rolls up His sleeves, scrubs in, and performs open heart surgery. It's always easier to battle an enemy that you can see. I am so thankful to God for revealing my worship of ease so that I can repent, ask for His help, and begin worshipping Him and doing hard things for His glory.
Now, what I wasn't so excited about doing was digging deeper. Sure, the above mentioned idols are valid and it is a good thing that God has shown me my folly and has helped me repent. But, beneath the obvious idols in my life, there lives a deeper, less tangible idol that has crept into every single part of my being and it wasn't until yesterday that I saw it and was shocked. I am a worshipper of ease. I want everything to be easy. I don't like doing hard things and I don't like when I don't get what I want. I have seen this so clearly over the past few months.
Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Harder than I ever expected. So, my mind entertains thoughts of finding a daycare and going back to work full-time. Why? Because that would be EASIER. Also, having a child who is healthy is EASIER than having a child with medical problems. Which is why I get so anxious and worry so much about Mackenna. Going to Google and receiving data in .5 seconds is EASIER than humbling myself and bowing before the throne of God and working hard at thinking on things that are true and lovely.
Wow! I am so thankful for a God who doesn't just scratch the surface of our hearts but that rolls up His sleeves, scrubs in, and performs open heart surgery. It's always easier to battle an enemy that you can see. I am so thankful to God for revealing my worship of ease so that I can repent, ask for His help, and begin worshipping Him and doing hard things for His glory.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
03.30.10
Keeping the right perspective. Or better said, keeping a Biblical perspective. Sounds like a simple goal. Everything is so clear to me when I am in God's Word or in prayer. While reflecting on my day, I see how I should have responded differently to certain situations. It becomes obvious to me that the reason that I didn't respond correctly is because I had the wrong perspective. My mind was dwelling on the wrong things. I had the wrong priority. Now, my question is, why is it so hard for me to see that while I am in the heat of the battle? Why is it easier for me to see my selfishness at the end of the day, after wrong choices have already been made and I have failed to respond in a way that pleases God? It is certainly humbling.
I am thinking of this past Sunday morning. As I was getting ready for church, I was anything but joyful. I had gotten up early and decided to do some things around the house. Then I lost track of time and was rushed as I was getting ready. When I finally was ready, we opened the garage door to see a downpour of rain. As I grabbed the umbrella and tried to open it, I quickly discovered that it was defective. That's pretty much when I lost it. One thing I've notice about pregnancy is that my emotions never gradually escalate. I go from slightly annoyed to frustrated beyond belief in about...um... 2 seconds! So, my husband, being the kind gentleman that he is, pulled the car up real close to the garage for me. So, instead of being thankful, I was then frustrated that none of my shoes fit anymore (third trimester swelling) and I had to wear flip-flops in the rain. Again, my kind and gentle husband didn't say anything. He just patiently listened and even ran into a gas station on the way into town to pick up a newspaper so that I could start couponing. And as he re-entered the car with our local paper, instead of thanking him, I said, "The other paper has more coupons. I wanted the other one." And what did he do? He went back in, without hesitation, and purchased the newspaper from the closest metropolitan area. That's when I really should have been humbled and repented of my sour and ungodly attitude. But, I didn't.
Thankfully, God is patient. As we walked into church, late, there were still two isle seats (which lately have been essential for me as our darling daughter lowers herself and presses on mommy's bladder). That was blessing #1. Then, our worship pastor had a whole morning of songs about the cross. That was blessing #2. THEN, sprinkled in with the worship time, one of the members of the worship team read Isaiah 53. That was blessing #3 and the straw that broke the camel's back. My sin hit me square in the face and everything I had gotten so upset about that morning became completely worthless. My heart felt overcome with joy as God helped me to see my sin the way that He sees it and repent of my self-focus. I felt lighter, joyful, and excited to be worshipping the Lord of the universe. Later on in Sunday School, I leaned over and asked for Dustin's forgiveness. And of course, he forgave me with a sweet smile on his face and a look of joy in his beautiful blue eyes. My husband is amazing!
Now, I just long for that perspective all the time! I wish I ALWAYS saw my sin the way that God sees it, instead of after hours of acting and thinking ungodly. I know that sanctification is progressive and I am extremely thankful that God is working in my heart to bring me to a better place with this. I am so excited that God is allowing me to clearly see areas that I need to change. I am just not very patient. I want growth to happen overnight. But it doesn't; and that is OK. Today, I can be thankful that God chose to reveal areas that I sinned and that I can repent, ask forgiveness from God and the appropriate people, and change a little bit today. God doesn't expect perfection, but He does expect me to be changing and growing. I am thankful for a God who cares enough about me to give me opportunities to grow and who gives me the grace that I need to repent and change.
I am thinking of this past Sunday morning. As I was getting ready for church, I was anything but joyful. I had gotten up early and decided to do some things around the house. Then I lost track of time and was rushed as I was getting ready. When I finally was ready, we opened the garage door to see a downpour of rain. As I grabbed the umbrella and tried to open it, I quickly discovered that it was defective. That's pretty much when I lost it. One thing I've notice about pregnancy is that my emotions never gradually escalate. I go from slightly annoyed to frustrated beyond belief in about...um... 2 seconds! So, my husband, being the kind gentleman that he is, pulled the car up real close to the garage for me. So, instead of being thankful, I was then frustrated that none of my shoes fit anymore (third trimester swelling) and I had to wear flip-flops in the rain. Again, my kind and gentle husband didn't say anything. He just patiently listened and even ran into a gas station on the way into town to pick up a newspaper so that I could start couponing. And as he re-entered the car with our local paper, instead of thanking him, I said, "The other paper has more coupons. I wanted the other one." And what did he do? He went back in, without hesitation, and purchased the newspaper from the closest metropolitan area. That's when I really should have been humbled and repented of my sour and ungodly attitude. But, I didn't.
Thankfully, God is patient. As we walked into church, late, there were still two isle seats (which lately have been essential for me as our darling daughter lowers herself and presses on mommy's bladder). That was blessing #1. Then, our worship pastor had a whole morning of songs about the cross. That was blessing #2. THEN, sprinkled in with the worship time, one of the members of the worship team read Isaiah 53. That was blessing #3 and the straw that broke the camel's back. My sin hit me square in the face and everything I had gotten so upset about that morning became completely worthless. My heart felt overcome with joy as God helped me to see my sin the way that He sees it and repent of my self-focus. I felt lighter, joyful, and excited to be worshipping the Lord of the universe. Later on in Sunday School, I leaned over and asked for Dustin's forgiveness. And of course, he forgave me with a sweet smile on his face and a look of joy in his beautiful blue eyes. My husband is amazing!
Now, I just long for that perspective all the time! I wish I ALWAYS saw my sin the way that God sees it, instead of after hours of acting and thinking ungodly. I know that sanctification is progressive and I am extremely thankful that God is working in my heart to bring me to a better place with this. I am so excited that God is allowing me to clearly see areas that I need to change. I am just not very patient. I want growth to happen overnight. But it doesn't; and that is OK. Today, I can be thankful that God chose to reveal areas that I sinned and that I can repent, ask forgiveness from God and the appropriate people, and change a little bit today. God doesn't expect perfection, but He does expect me to be changing and growing. I am thankful for a God who cares enough about me to give me opportunities to grow and who gives me the grace that I need to repent and change.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
03.09.10
Today I read Isaiah 2-4 and was reminded of God's supremecy in a big way. I just want to share some things that stuck out to me while being blessed by God's Word today. I've bolded some verses for emphasis and have added my comments in italics. I pray that God may bless you as well with Isaiah 2.
" The word that Isaiah the son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem. It shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the house of the Lord shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and shall be lifted up above the hills; and all the nations shall flow to it, and many peoples shall come, and say: “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths.” For out of Zion shall go the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He shall judge between the nations, and shall decide disputes for many peoples; and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore. O house of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord. For you have rejected your people, the house of Jacob, because they are full of things from the east and of fortune-tellers like the Philistines, and they strike hands with the children of foreigners. Their land is filled with silver and gold, and there is no end to their treasures; their land is filled with horses, and there is no end to their chariots. Their land is filled with idols; they bow down to the work of their hands, to what their own fingers have made. So man is humbled, and each one is brought low (This is a good reminder of what we're really doing when we worship anything or anyone besides the Lord. We are worshipping the work of our hands; something that is imperfect; something that has so little value; I pray that God would help me remember how vain idolatry truly is) — do not forgive them! Enter into the rock and hide in the dust from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty. The haughty looks of man shall be brought low, and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. For the Lord of hosts has a day against all that is proud and lofty, against all that is lifted up—and it shall be brought low; against all the cedars of Lebanon, lofty and lifted up; and against all the oaks of Bashan; against all the lofty mountains, and against all the uplifted hills; against every high tower, and against every fortified wall; against all the ships of Tarshish, and against all the beautiful craft. And the haughtiness of man shall be humbled, and the lofty pride of men shall be brought low, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. And the idols shall utterly pass away. And people shall enter the caves of the rocks and the holes of the ground, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. In that day mankind will cast away their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves to worship, to the moles and to the bats, to enter the caverns of the rocks and the clefts of the cliffs, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?" (Isaiah 2, ESV)
[1] The Holy Bible : English Standard Version. Wheaton : Standard Bible Society, 2001
" The word that Isaiah the son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem. It shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the house of the Lord shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and shall be lifted up above the hills; and all the nations shall flow to it, and many peoples shall come, and say: “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths.” For out of Zion shall go the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He shall judge between the nations, and shall decide disputes for many peoples; and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore. O house of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord. For you have rejected your people, the house of Jacob, because they are full of things from the east and of fortune-tellers like the Philistines, and they strike hands with the children of foreigners. Their land is filled with silver and gold, and there is no end to their treasures; their land is filled with horses, and there is no end to their chariots. Their land is filled with idols; they bow down to the work of their hands, to what their own fingers have made. So man is humbled, and each one is brought low (This is a good reminder of what we're really doing when we worship anything or anyone besides the Lord. We are worshipping the work of our hands; something that is imperfect; something that has so little value; I pray that God would help me remember how vain idolatry truly is) — do not forgive them! Enter into the rock and hide in the dust from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty. The haughty looks of man shall be brought low, and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. For the Lord of hosts has a day against all that is proud and lofty, against all that is lifted up—and it shall be brought low; against all the cedars of Lebanon, lofty and lifted up; and against all the oaks of Bashan; against all the lofty mountains, and against all the uplifted hills; against every high tower, and against every fortified wall; against all the ships of Tarshish, and against all the beautiful craft. And the haughtiness of man shall be humbled, and the lofty pride of men shall be brought low, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. And the idols shall utterly pass away. And people shall enter the caves of the rocks and the holes of the ground, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. In that day mankind will cast away their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves to worship, to the moles and to the bats, to enter the caverns of the rocks and the clefts of the cliffs, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?" (Isaiah 2, ESV)
[1] The Holy Bible : English Standard Version. Wheaton : Standard Bible Society, 2001
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
03.02.10
The purpose of this particular blog is to 1)Be transparent and 2)To share how God is working in my life and hopefully be an encouragement to someone who may be in the same place that I am right now.
"Yes, I am really that weak!"
The above statement is my quote of the week. Isn't it awesome how our Lord gets our attention when we are far from Him? Over the past two and a half years I have learned a lot about my relationship with God. One thing I have learned is that when life gets busy, my relationship with God gets neglected, by my own choice. I willfully, and sinfully, choose to pursue things other than God when my time is limited. What that really reveals is that my priorities are completely backwards! When I have time, I dig deep into God's Word, meditate on it, and spend time in prayer. But, when 40 hours of my week is devoted to work, what do I choose to do with "my" time? To be honest, I have been choosing to do things of very little value with the limited time that I have. And, what is the by-product of pursuing worthless things? Emptiness, along with pride and a self-focus that becomes enslaving. And that is where I find myself this week. Hence, my quote of the week, "Yes, I am really that weak!" Or perhaps, more appropriate would be, "Yes, I am really that sinful, STILL!" Nothing breaks your pride quicker than when God allows you to see your sin as He sees it. Sin truly is disgusting, shameful, and rotten. This week, God has helped me see my sin
You may be asking, "Well, Trisha, your husband is in seminary; you work at a Christian school; you are going to be a pastor's wife; how in the world could you let your heart get so far from God?" My answer would have to be, "Because, I am that sinful...still." In the next breath, I would add, "But God is not finished with me yet." It's not like I have been completely ignorant of the fact that I have been struggling to have the relationship with God that I know I should have. Really, what gets us to where we are at spiritually are the small steps, the little choices, whether good or bad. Just like the small bad choices lead our hearts away from God, repentence and small good choices is what helps us draw close to Him again. Don't get me wrong, there have been times in the past 2.5 years that I have been in the Word and in prayer and have grown and changed. There have been steps of growth; but I have consistently struggled to stay in God's Word, abide in Christ, deepen my prayer life, and live in light of my salvation in Christ. My heart and mind has consistenly been divided; which has brought me to where I am today.
This week I had a great talk with a great friend who is so very good at directing me back to God. I am very thankful for her wisdom. I am thankful to God for giving me a friend who is not afraid to admonish me in love. She lovingly reminded me that although I am busy and tired, I am still making a choice to pursue things other than my relationship with God. She challenged me to be aware of my choices and to begin choosing to spend my time getting to know my Savior again by being in His Word consistently, but also (and often neglected), spending time in prayer, communicating with Him. You know those weeks when life is busy beyond your wildest imagination and the only words that you utter to your husband (or wife) is a sleepy, "Goodnight" a groggy, "Good morning..." and a half-hearted, "I love you."? If you're married, you'll be able to agree with me, that at the end of those weeks, you feel distant from your husband. You miss him. You want to know how he's doing; you want to share something exciting that happened to you; you want to tell him about something that is concerning you. God's really helped me see that communicating with Him is similar to the communication in the other relationships in our lives. If communication doesn't happen, the relationship begins deteriorating. Having a real-life illustration of that has helped me understand the importance of prayer. But, because "I am really that weak," I still have to ask for God's help to spend time in His Word and in prayer.
I am very thankful that God has helped me to see significant ares that I need to grow in. My prayer right now is that God would help me to have a humble heart and that I would repent quickly when He shows me my sin. I am thankful that God, the creator of the universe, would send Jesus Christ to bear the wrath that I deserve so that my relationship to God could be restored so that He can shape and mold me to be one of His own.
His Forever by Sovereign Grace Music
Jesus, friend of sinners
Loved me ’ere I knew Him
Drew me with His cords of love
Tightly bound me to Him
’Round my heart still closely twined
The ties that none can sever
For I am His and He is mine
Forever and forever
Jesus, friend of sinners
A crown of thorns You wore for me
Bruised for my transgressions
Pierced for my iniquities
The wrath of God that I deserved
Was poured out on the Innocent
He took my place, my soul to save
Now I am His forever
Jesus, friend of sinners
I love to tell the story
Redeeming love has been my theme
And will be when in glory
Not death nor life nor anything
Can ever separate me
O love that will not let me go
Yes, I am His forever
"Yes, I am really that weak!"
The above statement is my quote of the week. Isn't it awesome how our Lord gets our attention when we are far from Him? Over the past two and a half years I have learned a lot about my relationship with God. One thing I have learned is that when life gets busy, my relationship with God gets neglected, by my own choice. I willfully, and sinfully, choose to pursue things other than God when my time is limited. What that really reveals is that my priorities are completely backwards! When I have time, I dig deep into God's Word, meditate on it, and spend time in prayer. But, when 40 hours of my week is devoted to work, what do I choose to do with "my" time? To be honest, I have been choosing to do things of very little value with the limited time that I have. And, what is the by-product of pursuing worthless things? Emptiness, along with pride and a self-focus that becomes enslaving. And that is where I find myself this week. Hence, my quote of the week, "Yes, I am really that weak!" Or perhaps, more appropriate would be, "Yes, I am really that sinful, STILL!" Nothing breaks your pride quicker than when God allows you to see your sin as He sees it. Sin truly is disgusting, shameful, and rotten. This week, God has helped me see my sin
You may be asking, "Well, Trisha, your husband is in seminary; you work at a Christian school; you are going to be a pastor's wife; how in the world could you let your heart get so far from God?" My answer would have to be, "Because, I am that sinful...still." In the next breath, I would add, "But God is not finished with me yet." It's not like I have been completely ignorant of the fact that I have been struggling to have the relationship with God that I know I should have. Really, what gets us to where we are at spiritually are the small steps, the little choices, whether good or bad. Just like the small bad choices lead our hearts away from God, repentence and small good choices is what helps us draw close to Him again. Don't get me wrong, there have been times in the past 2.5 years that I have been in the Word and in prayer and have grown and changed. There have been steps of growth; but I have consistently struggled to stay in God's Word, abide in Christ, deepen my prayer life, and live in light of my salvation in Christ. My heart and mind has consistenly been divided; which has brought me to where I am today.
This week I had a great talk with a great friend who is so very good at directing me back to God. I am very thankful for her wisdom. I am thankful to God for giving me a friend who is not afraid to admonish me in love. She lovingly reminded me that although I am busy and tired, I am still making a choice to pursue things other than my relationship with God. She challenged me to be aware of my choices and to begin choosing to spend my time getting to know my Savior again by being in His Word consistently, but also (and often neglected), spending time in prayer, communicating with Him. You know those weeks when life is busy beyond your wildest imagination and the only words that you utter to your husband (or wife) is a sleepy, "Goodnight" a groggy, "Good morning..." and a half-hearted, "I love you."? If you're married, you'll be able to agree with me, that at the end of those weeks, you feel distant from your husband. You miss him. You want to know how he's doing; you want to share something exciting that happened to you; you want to tell him about something that is concerning you. God's really helped me see that communicating with Him is similar to the communication in the other relationships in our lives. If communication doesn't happen, the relationship begins deteriorating. Having a real-life illustration of that has helped me understand the importance of prayer. But, because "I am really that weak," I still have to ask for God's help to spend time in His Word and in prayer.
I am very thankful that God has helped me to see significant ares that I need to grow in. My prayer right now is that God would help me to have a humble heart and that I would repent quickly when He shows me my sin. I am thankful that God, the creator of the universe, would send Jesus Christ to bear the wrath that I deserve so that my relationship to God could be restored so that He can shape and mold me to be one of His own.
His Forever by Sovereign Grace Music
Jesus, friend of sinners
Loved me ’ere I knew Him
Drew me with His cords of love
Tightly bound me to Him
’Round my heart still closely twined
The ties that none can sever
For I am His and He is mine
Forever and forever
Jesus, friend of sinners
A crown of thorns You wore for me
Bruised for my transgressions
Pierced for my iniquities
The wrath of God that I deserved
Was poured out on the Innocent
He took my place, my soul to save
Now I am His forever
Jesus, friend of sinners
I love to tell the story
Redeeming love has been my theme
And will be when in glory
Not death nor life nor anything
Can ever separate me
O love that will not let me go
Yes, I am His forever
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