While I expected to be nervous about the cesarean, I didn't expect to have full-blown panic attacks and severe anxiety for two weeks before the surgery. How was this a blessing? Well, it was a blessing because God worked. God worked in my heart, showing me how deep my sin of anxiety truly is. He is still working now, six weeks postpartum, as I still battle anxiety daily. What is different this time versus all of the other times that anxiety has plagued me? Well, this time God isn't taking away my fears, He isn't givng me instant relief for my anxious thoughts. This time, I am praying that God will help me grow through this time of anxiety so that in the future my battles with anxiety will be shorter-lived or, dare I hope, non-existant!
I didn't expect for Sawyer to fit in so well and so quickly into our family. I was expecting a long, akward time of figuring out how to be a familiy of four. I expected to have to teach Mackenna to be gentle with her baby brother. I didn't expect for her to fall in love with him just like Dustin and I did! I didn't expect for her to be so gentle, kind, and loving towards "Wer wer," as she calls him. I didnt' expect that I could love Sawyer just as much as I love Mackenna. But I can! A good friend once explained adding to your family like this... "It's like God gives you a new heart to love each child you have!" So, so very true! While we have had our good and bad days, most days are good and every day I am becoming more and more thankful for the amazing blessings that God has showered on us.
