03.30.10

Keeping the right perspective. Or better said, keeping a Biblical perspective. Sounds like a simple goal. Everything is so clear to me when I am in God's Word or in prayer. While reflecting on my day, I see how I should have responded differently to certain situations. It becomes obvious to me that the reason that I didn't respond correctly is because I had the wrong perspective. My mind was dwelling on the wrong things. I had the wrong priority. Now, my question is, why is it so hard for me to see that while I am in the heat of the battle? Why is it easier for me to see my selfishness at the end of the day, after wrong choices have already been made and I have failed to respond in a way that pleases God? It is certainly humbling.

I am thinking of this past Sunday morning. As I was getting ready for church, I was anything but joyful. I had gotten up early and decided to do some things around the house. Then I lost track of time and was rushed as I was getting ready. When I finally was ready, we opened the garage door to see a downpour of rain. As I grabbed the umbrella and tried to open it, I quickly discovered that it was defective. That's pretty much when I lost it. One thing I've notice about pregnancy is that my emotions never gradually escalate. I go from slightly annoyed to frustrated beyond belief in about...um... 2 seconds! So, my husband, being the kind gentleman that he is, pulled the car up real close to the garage for me. So, instead of being thankful, I was then frustrated that none of my shoes fit anymore (third trimester swelling) and I had to wear flip-flops in the rain. Again, my kind and gentle husband didn't say anything. He just patiently listened and even ran into a gas station on the way into town to pick up a newspaper so that I could start couponing. And as he re-entered the car with our local paper, instead of thanking him, I said, "The other paper has more coupons. I wanted the other one." And what did he do? He went back in, without hesitation, and purchased the newspaper from the closest metropolitan area. That's when I really should have been humbled and repented of my sour and ungodly attitude. But, I didn't.

Thankfully, God is patient. As we walked into church, late, there were still two isle seats (which lately have been essential for me as our darling daughter lowers herself and presses on mommy's bladder). That was blessing #1. Then, our worship pastor had a whole morning of songs about the cross. That was blessing #2. THEN, sprinkled in with the worship time, one of the members of the worship team read Isaiah 53. That was blessing #3 and the straw that broke the camel's back. My sin hit me square in the face and everything I had gotten so upset about that morning became completely worthless. My heart felt overcome with joy as God helped me to see my sin the way that He sees it and repent of my self-focus. I felt lighter, joyful, and excited to be worshipping the Lord of the universe. Later on in Sunday School, I leaned over and asked for Dustin's forgiveness. And of course, he forgave me with a sweet smile on his face and a look of joy in his beautiful blue eyes. My husband is amazing!

Now, I just long for that perspective all the time! I wish I ALWAYS saw my sin the way that God sees it, instead of after hours of acting and thinking ungodly. I know that sanctification is progressive and I am extremely thankful that God is working in my heart to bring me to a better place with this. I am so excited that God is allowing me to clearly see areas that I need to change. I am just not very patient. I want growth to happen overnight. But it doesn't; and that is OK. Today, I can be thankful that God chose to reveal areas that I sinned and that I can repent, ask forgiveness from God and the appropriate people, and change a little bit today. God doesn't expect perfection, but He does expect me to be changing and growing. I am thankful for a God who cares enough about me to give me opportunities to grow and who gives me the grace that I need to repent and change.

03.09.10

Today I read Isaiah 2-4 and was reminded of God's supremecy in a big way. I just want to share some things that stuck out to me while being blessed by God's Word today. I've bolded some verses for emphasis and have added my comments in italics. I pray that God may bless you as well with Isaiah 2.

" The word that Isaiah the son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem. It shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the house of the Lord shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and shall be lifted up above the hills; and all the nations shall flow to it, and many peoples shall come, and say: “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths.” For out of Zion shall go the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He shall judge between the nations, and shall decide disputes for many peoples; and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore. O house of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord. For you have rejected your people, the house of Jacob, because they are full of things from the east and of fortune-tellers like the Philistines, and they strike hands with the children of foreigners. Their land is filled with silver and gold, and there is no end to their treasures; their land is filled with horses, and there is no end to their chariots. Their land is filled with idols; they bow down to the work of their hands, to what their own fingers have made. So man is humbled, and each one is brought low (This is a good reminder of what we're really doing when we worship anything or anyone besides the Lord. We are worshipping the work of our hands; something that is imperfect; something that has so little value; I pray that God would help me remember how vain idolatry truly is) — do not forgive them! Enter into the rock and hide in the dust from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty. The haughty looks of man shall be brought low, and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. For the Lord of hosts has a day against all that is proud and lofty, against all that is lifted up—and it shall be brought low; against all the cedars of Lebanon, lofty and lifted up; and against all the oaks of Bashan; against all the lofty mountains, and against all the uplifted hills; against every high tower, and against every fortified wall; against all the ships of Tarshish, and against all the beautiful craft. And the haughtiness of man shall be humbled, and the lofty pride of men shall be brought low, and the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. And the idols shall utterly pass away. And people shall enter the caves of the rocks and the holes of the ground, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. In that day mankind will cast away their idols of silver and their idols of gold, which they made for themselves to worship, to the moles and to the bats, to enter the caverns of the rocks and the clefts of the cliffs, from before the terror of the Lord, and from the splendor of his majesty, when he rises to terrify the earth. Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?" (Isaiah 2, ESV)

[1] The Holy Bible : English Standard Version. Wheaton : Standard Bible Society, 2001

03.02.10

The purpose of this particular blog is to 1)Be transparent and 2)To share how God is working in my life and hopefully be an encouragement to someone who may be in the same place that I am right now.

"Yes, I am really that weak!"

The above statement is my quote of the week. Isn't it awesome how our Lord gets our attention when we are far from Him? Over the past two and a half years I have learned a lot about my relationship with God. One thing I have learned is that when life gets busy, my relationship with God gets neglected, by my own choice. I willfully, and sinfully, choose to pursue things other than God when my time is limited. What that really reveals is that my priorities are completely backwards! When I have time, I dig deep into God's Word, meditate on it, and spend time in prayer. But, when 40 hours of my week is devoted to work, what do I choose to do with "my" time? To be honest, I have been choosing to do things of very little value with the limited time that I have. And, what is the by-product of pursuing worthless things? Emptiness, along with pride and a self-focus that becomes enslaving. And that is where I find myself this week. Hence, my quote of the week, "Yes, I am really that weak!" Or perhaps, more appropriate would be, "Yes, I am really that sinful, STILL!" Nothing breaks your pride quicker than when God allows you to see your sin as He sees it. Sin truly is disgusting, shameful, and rotten. This week, God has helped me see my sin

You may be asking, "Well, Trisha, your husband is in seminary; you work at a Christian school; you are going to be a pastor's wife; how in the world could you let your heart get so far from God?" My answer would have to be, "Because, I am that sinful...still." In the next breath, I would add, "But God is not finished with me yet." It's not like I have been completely ignorant of the fact that I have been struggling to have the relationship with God that I know I should have. Really, what gets us to where we are at spiritually are the small steps, the little choices, whether good or bad. Just like the small bad choices lead our hearts away from God, repentence and small good choices is what helps us draw close to Him again. Don't get me wrong, there have been times in the past 2.5 years that I have been in the Word and in prayer and have grown and changed. There have been steps of growth; but I have consistently struggled to stay in God's Word, abide in Christ, deepen my prayer life, and live in light of my salvation in Christ. My heart and mind has consistenly been divided; which has brought me to where I am today.

This week I had a great talk with a great friend who is so very good at directing me back to God. I am very thankful for her wisdom. I am thankful to God for giving me a friend who is not afraid to admonish me in love. She lovingly reminded me that although I am busy and tired, I am still making a choice to pursue things other than my relationship with God. She challenged me to be aware of my choices and to begin choosing to spend my time getting to know my Savior again by being in His Word consistently, but also (and often neglected), spending time in prayer, communicating with Him. You know those weeks when life is busy beyond your wildest imagination and the only words that you utter to your husband (or wife) is a sleepy, "Goodnight" a groggy, "Good morning..." and a half-hearted, "I love you."? If you're married, you'll be able to agree with me, that at the end of those weeks, you feel distant from your husband. You miss him. You want to know how he's doing; you want to share something exciting that happened to you; you want to tell him about something that is concerning you. God's really helped me see that communicating with Him is similar to the communication in the other relationships in our lives. If communication doesn't happen, the relationship begins deteriorating. Having a real-life illustration of that has helped me understand the importance of prayer. But, because "I am really that weak," I still have to ask for God's help to spend time in His Word and in prayer.

I am very thankful that God has helped me to see significant ares that I need to grow in. My prayer right now is that God would help me to have a humble heart and that I would repent quickly when He shows me my sin. I am thankful that God, the creator of the universe, would send Jesus Christ to bear the wrath that I deserve so that my relationship to God could be restored so that He can shape and mold me to be one of His own.

His Forever by Sovereign Grace Music

Jesus, friend of sinners
Loved me ’ere I knew Him
Drew me with His cords of love
Tightly bound me to Him
’Round my heart still closely twined
The ties that none can sever
For I am His and He is mine
Forever and forever

Jesus, friend of sinners
A crown of thorns You wore for me
Bruised for my transgressions
Pierced for my iniquities
The wrath of God that I deserved
Was poured out on the Innocent
He took my place, my soul to save
Now I am His forever

Jesus, friend of sinners
I love to tell the story
Redeeming love has been my theme
And will be when in glory
Not death nor life nor anything
Can ever separate me
O love that will not let me go
Yes, I am His forever