Keeping the right perspective. Or better said, keeping a Biblical perspective. Sounds like a simple goal. Everything is so clear to me when I am in God's Word or in prayer. While reflecting on my day, I see how I should have responded differently to certain situations. It becomes obvious to me that the reason that I didn't respond correctly is because I had the wrong perspective. My mind was dwelling on the wrong things. I had the wrong priority. Now, my question is, why is it so hard for me to see that while I am in the heat of the battle? Why is it easier for me to see my selfishness at the end of the day, after wrong choices have already been made and I have failed to respond in a way that pleases God? It is certainly humbling.
I am thinking of this past Sunday morning. As I was getting ready for church, I was anything but joyful. I had gotten up early and decided to do some things around the house. Then I lost track of time and was rushed as I was getting ready. When I finally was ready, we opened the garage door to see a downpour of rain. As I grabbed the umbrella and tried to open it, I quickly discovered that it was defective. That's pretty much when I lost it. One thing I've notice about pregnancy is that my emotions never gradually escalate. I go from slightly annoyed to frustrated beyond belief in about...um... 2 seconds! So, my husband, being the kind gentleman that he is, pulled the car up real close to the garage for me. So, instead of being thankful, I was then frustrated that none of my shoes fit anymore (third trimester swelling) and I had to wear flip-flops in the rain. Again, my kind and gentle husband didn't say anything. He just patiently listened and even ran into a gas station on the way into town to pick up a newspaper so that I could start couponing. And as he re-entered the car with our local paper, instead of thanking him, I said, "The other paper has more coupons. I wanted the other one." And what did he do? He went back in, without hesitation, and purchased the newspaper from the closest metropolitan area. That's when I really should have been humbled and repented of my sour and ungodly attitude. But, I didn't.
Thankfully, God is patient. As we walked into church, late, there were still two isle seats (which lately have been essential for me as our darling daughter lowers herself and presses on mommy's bladder). That was blessing #1. Then, our worship pastor had a whole morning of songs about the cross. That was blessing #2. THEN, sprinkled in with the worship time, one of the members of the worship team read Isaiah 53. That was blessing #3 and the straw that broke the camel's back. My sin hit me square in the face and everything I had gotten so upset about that morning became completely worthless. My heart felt overcome with joy as God helped me to see my sin the way that He sees it and repent of my self-focus. I felt lighter, joyful, and excited to be worshipping the Lord of the universe. Later on in Sunday School, I leaned over and asked for Dustin's forgiveness. And of course, he forgave me with a sweet smile on his face and a look of joy in his beautiful blue eyes. My husband is amazing!
Now, I just long for that perspective all the time! I wish I ALWAYS saw my sin the way that God sees it, instead of after hours of acting and thinking ungodly. I know that sanctification is progressive and I am extremely thankful that God is working in my heart to bring me to a better place with this. I am so excited that God is allowing me to clearly see areas that I need to change. I am just not very patient. I want growth to happen overnight. But it doesn't; and that is OK. Today, I can be thankful that God chose to reveal areas that I sinned and that I can repent, ask forgiveness from God and the appropriate people, and change a little bit today. God doesn't expect perfection, but He does expect me to be changing and growing. I am thankful for a God who cares enough about me to give me opportunities to grow and who gives me the grace that I need to repent and change.
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